I Am Scared

I have been letting you all know of my upcoming spinal surgery, but the bewitching hour is slowly coming upon us. I am torn about this surgery. Don't get me wrong, I know that I need it and I know I will be healthier after it, but I am definitely not looking forward to the hospital stay and the recovery period.

I am a very healthy 46 year old woman. My medical clearance has proved that. If it were not for this injury, I would be bale to run marathons, but now I can barely stand to wash two glasses and three pieces of flatware. Who knew.

I just want to be back to my old self again. I want to do the things I used to do. Pffft to being a marathon runner. I want to clean my home, cook meals for my family and not have to plan an event away from the house on whether or not a place has a wheelchair or not. There is nothing worse than needing a wheelchair in order to enjoy a place and not have one. I do not have one permanently, for after my surgery, I will not need one, but in the interim, I would love to be able to sit and visit places.

This is not an 'Oh woe is me' rant, I am just a bit down, not depressed, for I know I will come home and do what I have to do to get better, that is how I roll(My daughters saying). This surgery and recovery will most more than likely not be as bad as I am thinking it will be and thee odd thing is, I am usually a very...and I mean very, uplifting person, almost to a fault. Yeah, I am one of those people that when you meet me, you go home and say, 'There is no way someone can be that up all the time.' I am. But not lately. I guess I am having a dose of a reality check. that is not a bad thing, it is just a thing. Reality keeps us in check, it grounds us. Trust me, I am grounded.

My daughter will be coming on here and posting about the outcome to my surgery. So keep your eyes peeled and keep me in your thoughts.