Thursday, August 7, 2008

Run to Me

For those of us who are a bit older, this is a title of a Bee Gee's song. The lyrics are wonderful, but it is not the lyrics that I am here to blog about, it is the title itself.

As a parent you want to be there for you family, and moreso your children. It is your job to guide them, teach them, nurture them, and show them the ways of the world. It is a never ending process. I am 46 (As I type this post) and I am still learning things every day...and as it should be. Life is one huge lesson. Granted, the early years are the most moldable (I made that word up), but you still want to be there when you child calls form college and asks you if you starve a cold and feed a fever or vice versa. That is when you know that your child still needs you, if only a little bit.

You are their security blanket. You are mom...end of discussion. Yes, there may be an aunt who is on stand-by, or a dear friend of moms, who is willing to take up the slack, but bottom line, mom is mom, and no one can or should replace her. And yet the laws of nature come in and snatch us back to reality. It reminds of us of how frail we truly are. Even with all our modern technology, we cannot fix everything. And that to is a double edged sword.

We are prolonging lives that in all actuality, maybe, should not be prolonged. I have told my family time and time again, DO NOT!, I repeat, do not, keep me hooked up to any machines. That is not living, that is existing, and there is a huge difference. If I can no longer be a productive member of society (Save recovery times from accidents and surgeries), then I am taking up space. there will always be someone to take my place. That is the law of the land.

Sad as it may be for those left behind, the one that has left us is no longer in pain, or no longer suffering. It does not matter if you believe in a here after or not. I know I would not want to be kept alive by machines if I was suffering. And let's put aside the feelings of the person in question. What about their family? They are sitting by, not able to help them medically, watching them go through what they are going through. No one should be subjected to that. And inasmuch as seeing them leave us is painful, it is a far better place then to be here and all parties hurting.

Death is never a thing we want to go through, but it is part of life. The never ending cycle. I recently watched a movie with my daughter and husband. And the movie was about the struggle for a young bride to learn to deal with her husbands death. He died from brain cancer. She was lost. So he had written her letters to help her in the mourning process, for he knew she would do a lousy job all on her own. But what struck me was the reception after the funeral. They all met at her mothers pub/bar and paid homage to him. And people were laughing...and crying. But there you have it. In death we should still be able to remember the good things. Yes, you will cry, that is a natural reaction, but if you cannot find the happy memories, you will take that much longer to get through the grieving process.

Life goes on. And yet, no one wants to hear that when you are the one in pain. And there is so much pain in death. Your heart aches and you think the hurt will ever end, but it does eventually. and no one has the right to tell you to stop mourning. And everyone mourns differently. For some it is months, for others it is years. You will know when it is time to move on. But do not take too long, for life can and will pass you by. You are not the one that has died. And the one that has left us, would surely not want anyone to stand by and stop living. Living is for those that are alive. You cannot bring them back, they are gone. So do not dishonor them by wallowing in self pity. Yes, mourn, by all means. But then shake yourself off, pick yourself up and go on living.

My dear friend Katiebird, lost her mother Monday night to brain cancer. She is grieving and going through emotions she probably never thought she would. Please keep her in your thoughts.


Skippy said...

Once someone dies you feel the sadness of that person no longer being there, being on this earth. But seconds afterwards, you realize the people they left behinde, who begin to suffer and grive. The person they once loved is gone forever, as you put it. I feel for people who exprince death, I have had small exprinces but still...death is death. Yet in the shadows of griving, we come together and comfort one another. We hug tightly threw the tears, and smile and laugh at the memories. We always carry the ones we love in our hearts, and we forever mourn their loss, in some way shape or form. But we never forget them.

I have Ms.Katie in my thoughts always, more so now.

Lee William said...

Brilliant ..!

Feelings about death (and life) ..are not what you'd rationally expect.

Rose Valentine said...

Everything you wrote made sense. I read every one. I am adding you to my bloglist. <3

Tara B. said...

How very timely as the old wounds of my mothers death have been opened up and fresh ones from my recent loss. Great post, all sound thoughts yet difficult to grasp in the midst of sorrow....

sunshineperri said...

She is in my prayers. I lost my mom to lung cancer on March 25, 2008. I am with Katie in thoughts and prayers. I thought it would get easier, but it gets harder each day!!
Your words brought back every feeling and emotion during my last year with her.

Frankie said...

My dad died in May. Between traveling, illnesses in my family, cleaning his house out, working on his estate, the mourning process is just hitting me now. And I'm in the throes of it.

I think I needed to read your words tonight. Thank you for sharing them.

Off to visit your friend's blog to wish her condolences.

Orlando Realtor said...

Thanks for addressing a topic so many of us would choose to ignore. I would like to add that several months ago I experienced a situation which delivered me to a place to think about my own possible sudden passing. What I experienced is that once you accept what is happening to you, you no longer fear it and it becomes a very easy and natural transition.

Obviously, I survived and kept with me this so important experience/lesson. I no longer believe that death is a scary or painful experience.