A Better Place

I have been wanting to write this for some time now, but just never seemed to have gotten around to doing it somehow. With that said, I would like to tell everyone that my brother-in-law passed away this past summer (July 2011), quite unexpectedly. Well, maybe not all that unexpectedly.

My brother-in-law was morbidly obese and was on a few different medications. He did not take care of himself and, in the years of my knowing him, never even tried to get himself healthy. The notion now-a-days, is that my doctor know best (which is a lie) and the medication he will give me will make me better (which is another lie). Step back from the big picture for a moment and think about this one. If you get healthy who wins and who loses? Well, we all know that answer...don't we? doctors don't make money off healthy or dead people. They need us to be just sick enough to keep coming back to them for regular check ups. I teach food classes at my local health food store and I tell my audience this all the time. You have to be your own food police and take care of yourself. Do the research, wake up and see what our government is allowing to happen to our food supply.

With that said, there is a reason for this post. When my brother-in-law passed away, I know see what ridiculous things people say. Someone actually asked my sister if she was going to commit suicide. I mean really...come on. She has two girls to raise. But the one that stuck a cord with my sister was this one: 'Leo is in a much better place.' Well my sister quite quickly turned to them and said: 'No he is not, his place is with us, not being dead.' Shut that person up real fast.

And think about it. He did not have a long drawn out illness where his death would have been a relief, he was not suffering in any way what-so-ever. So for someone (And usually it is someone who believes in God/Christ) to say he is in a better place, well to me, that is the biggest load of crap someone could ever say. And yet it is said all-the-time without even thinking about it. I truly never said that to anyone, even if they were better off. The family who is mourning does not want to hear that, and yet, even they themselves do not stand up and say anything to contradict what said person has just said. Well, my sister did and I for one, applaud her for it.

I hope anyone that reads this will get a better understanding of just how thoughtless that comment is. And my sister was a believer that there was a God before her husbands passing. She believes no longer. But I will save that for another post.

10 Ways To Take A Day Off

I found this in a Natural Awakenings Magazine and fell in love with ti. What gets me, is that the little things that make so much sense, we never seem to implement..why is that? Well maybe we should. Try one or some of these out and see what goes.

1) Avoid technology
2) Contact loved one
3) Nurture your health
4) Get outside
5) Avoid commerce
6) Light candles
7) Drink wine
8) Eat bread
9) Find silence
10) Give back

I am a firm believer in #10 and I will tell you why. So many people have thee attitude of,'Well I never get anything.', and there is a reason why. That is because those people never give. And I am talking about giving because you want to, not because you are made to. For when it comes from the heart, then the getting starts flowing in your direction. Try it, you will see.

My Best Nanny Memory

Edit In: I was supposed to have saved this post and added on, but somehow it got published. Must have hit the wrong button. I am adding the story that made my nanny the best grandmother ever. Read on.

For those who have not had the pleasure of grand-parents (and good ones at that), you do not know what you are missing.

My nanny is my mother's mother. She was in-your-face, up front, blunt, brusque, abrupt, but I loved her. And even as a child, I knew she was someone to be reckoned with. People looked at her with a sort of reverence. If she liked/loved you, then you were good. But cross her...and watch out. Fell the wrath of Emily Grace Strayer.

Nanny and I had to go 'In to town' as those who live din the boonies called it. That meant that you either went to Okeechobee or you went to West Palm Beach. This day was WPB. Nanny had some flats of vegetables to pick up and a plethora of other things to do while there, for you did not go 'in to town' all that often, so you made the best of your time there. And we did.

Well, it was getting on to lunchtime and we were both starving. I was about 10-12ish at the time and just worshiped my Nanny. In my eyes, she could do no wrong. We needed to grab lunch somewhere...anywhere. I, of course, had no money. Heck, I was 10 years old, and even if I did, I would not share it with anyone. No way no how.

Now, for those of you who are old enough, you may remember thee older cars and how the dashboards were metal. That way your parents or grandparents could buy those magnetic trays that stuck onto the dashboards. Everything got thrown in there. Anything form match books, to loose charge and the such. Well, I had looked in my nanny's wallet, as per her instructions, to look for money for lunch. I did as I was asked, but found not one bit of money.

I looked, and looked again and then I relooked again. Still nothing. So I went to digging in the magnetic tray on her dashboard. I was able to scrape up enough change that I remember totalling up to less that $1.00. Now, back in those days, we could have purchased a small soda and small fry and that would have held us over until we got back home. We resigned to the fact we would have to share those food items.

But I took one more stab at looking for money in my nanny's wallet. I pulled out photos and special documents. And behold, I let out a blood curdling scream. My grandmother's reply was, "How much did you find?" She knew I was not in any pain, or had been bitten by some odd insect. She knew I had fond gold in them there hills. It was a $10 bill and we were able to feast on a Whopper, fries and shake at Burger King.

Back then it was a treat to eat at a fast food joint. Now it is common place and just a bunch of crap these companies try to call food. That s another post entirely. But suffice it to say, that is a day that is branded into my memory forever and ever. Thank you Nanny and rest in peace.

I Will Be A Squirrel

I was in the kitchen last night with my daughter and husband as my daughter and I were putting the final touches on dinner before sitting down to eat, when my daughter breaks out into a story from work. For those of you who may not know, she has just gotten a job at a local supermarket as a bag girl. Being a minor she will still have to adhere to the specific hours until she turns sixteen.

She begins the story by saying that a senior man came through the line she was bagging for and he had quite a few bags of peanuts. My daughter being the very observant person and knowledgeable in the kitchen, she asked the gentleman if he was going to go home and make boiled peanuts. He looked to her and said, "No, I am taking these home for the squirrel in my yard."

My daughter, being a vegetarian and animal lover thought that was a sweet thing for him to do. But it did not stop there. He explained to her why he feeds this particular squirrel. You see, his wife died recently and as she was dying, she told her husband that she would come back as a squirrel. So on his first trip out of the house after she died, he was returning home from some errand, and there was a squirrel in his driveway. He knew in his heart that this was his wife letting him know that she was still with him.

Who's to say. No one has proof otherwise. So I say let him think what he wants if it helps him get through the day. If he wants to think she is a potato peeler, it is his prerogative.

I sat there listening to my daughter tell the story and my eyes welled up with teas, knowing that some day either me or my husband will be alone. And that thoughts scares the living crap out of me.

It's not that he or I could not function without one another, for we could. And yes, it would be an adjustment, but I cannot imagine the loneliness. I enjoy sitting with my husbands on the mornings we have together and sit and talk about current events...or not. Talk about the weather or what is a five letter word for fowl that begins with an "R". Those things are better shared with someone. I feel for people who have not found that special someone, for whatever reason. To live out your final years alone. To me that would the worst.

Kids grow up and make their own lives. It's not that you are no longer important, it's just they have made their own lives and have to do the same things you did years before.

I hope that this man is happy knowing that he is keeping his wife fed. Because in thee end, isn't it the thought that counts?

The Most Unthinkable Act

I am not thee most forgiving person. I think people should be held accountable for their actions, no matter their age, sex, race or creed. I admit that I think the punishment should fit the crime. But there are somethings that you just can't erase with any penalty. The act I am speaking of is child pornography.

Just the thought of it makes my skin crawl. And here in Florida we seem to be surrounded by them. They are everywhere. In the world of sexual pleasures, I think whatever makes you feel good then do it. But not to children. There is a line that NO ONE should cross.

On thee Oprah show today, that had a task force investigating homes that had been downloading child pornography for a few weeks. The law enforcement agency believed that this was the main man. But it wasn't. It was the son, who was barely 18. And thee acts that could be described on television made my want to throw something at the television.

And what's worse is that the law enforcement has no clue where these children are. Are they children that have been kidnapped (this is my husbands theory) and kept just for this disgusting act? Who knows. Do these children ever escape? And if so are they able to lead normal lives? And were are they? Could they be at your next door neighbors home in the basement being filmed? Again the thought makes me sick.

I saw Judge Judy (TV Show) being interviewed by Larry King a while back. And the one thing that she and I agreed on is that sexual predators/molesters/child porn distributors or watchers or participators are not rehabilitatable(sp?). they are so sick that there is no coming back form where they are.

My thought is take them out back with the dog the way they use to back in the day and put them and the dog out of their misery.

Then here comes thee icing on the cake. When they get caught, they get representation, because that is our system. Get found guilty and get to sit in an air conditioned room for the rest of their lives. They get medical treatment, three meals a day and some poor schlep called a journalist has the nerve to call them Mister (insert name). Mister is handed out to those who have earned some respect. These folks should be wiped off the face of thee earth.

Call me harsh, call me cruel, but I have not empathy or sympathy for those who do what these people do to our children. Children deserve better, children deserve a voice.

Is My Hair Spikey?

Out of the mouth of babes. Just when you think you have heard it all, a youngin' comes along and reminds you you ain't heard it all.

My daughter came to me with this story that someone had told her.

There was a young boy who was in his own home and come out of the bathroom. Upon exiting said bathroom, he found an older sibling and asked that sibling very matter-of-factly, "Is my hair spikey?"

Thee older sibling informed the younger brother that in fact his hair was not spikey and that it wouldn't be due to the fact that he had a buzz cut and there was no way he could get his hair to spike. The older sibling then wanted to know why he had asked such a question. Wait for it.

The younger sibling then told thee older one that, "Well, I pushed a little too hard when I was in the bathroom and my hair stood up on end so I thought I had spikey hair."

Oh what our bodies can do to us. And maybe this is only a story a mother can appreciate. And I thought that might be the case, except that every time my daughter tries to tell or hears of it being told, it still cracks her up.

Where's My Magic Pill?

Maybe it's the generation gap, or the not wanting to believe what is happening, or taking responsibility for your actions, or you have been brainwashed for so many years into believing that the more medication you take the better off you will be. Not true!

Case in point, my father-in-law.

He has eaten his entire life, the Standard Cuban Diet. Which for the most part contains not one iota of vegetables. Unless you consider pale green iceberg lettuce, and super pink tomatoes a salad, as they are slathered in olive oil and doused with salt. My idea of even a salad differs greatly from their idea of a salad. I take it back. They to put some chunks of squash in their beans along side the park fat, so in my opinion that kind of cancels one another out.

They eat tons of fried food, and meat is at every-single-meal. That is not an option. I did purchase a turkey this last Thanksgiving, but I will not this year. We just don't eat it quick enough to make it worth our while.

And a lot of their meat is fried as well. And she uses lard to fry in, unless my son is over then she uses vegetable oil. But here is the kicker. My father-in-law had a few small heart attacks about 20 years ago, but recovered fine. Then just a few years ago, he had a few mini-strokes. But now his cholesterol is off the chart. And I mean dangerously high. So he was put on medication to lower his cholesterol...to no avail. It just keeps on climbing.

So the doctor has either added a new medication or upped what he is on now. But they do not think this will fix the problem. And of course the first course of action the doctor tells him to do is change his diet. "No Way!" My father-in-laws thinking is that he has made it to 7o something, he is not going to change the way he eats now. Well, then you have no right to complain. If you are not willing to go through the changes necessary for anything in your life, whether it be food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, then stop complaining.

Oh, I just went up a pant size (after downing 2 plates of ribs)
My head is pounding (After a night of heavy drinking)
Can you bail me out of jail (After stealing checks from you mother to pay for your dope)
I can't scrounge up the money to pay my light bill (After blowing your paycheck at the race track)

This goes on for each set of circumstances. Now most of those examples are addictions, but those things we can definitely live without. Food is something we need to live, or, as we all know, we will die if we do not eat.

My husband has yo-yo dieted all his life. Trying to find 'that' fix. the one true 'diet' that will make him see the light. Well he finally has seen the light, and you know what it was? He isn't dieting. Yep, not one little bit. He just eats, and eats whatever the heck he wants. He makes absolutely no restrictions on himself in any way, shape of form. What did he discover? Is that you don't have to diet if you eat REAL food. We don't eat drive thru...ever! We rarely if ever eat out, for I don't know what goes into their food. I know what goes into mine. He does not exercise. Heavy amounts of cardio. But it wasn't until recently that it hit him, that he makes no restrictions on himself. And all I did was shake my head and told him I had been telling him that for years. I myself have never dieted. Do I fit the medical charts? Doubt it. In fact, if I go by the charts, I am 20 pounds overweight. I think not. I eat extremely well, get plenty of exercise, good sleep, and drink lots of water. And I can say that I am medication free and hope to be for the rest of my life.

Granted, I know medications are there for a purpose, but they should not be a crutch, an easy out. 'If I take this pill, my problems will all go away.' Nope. Because then pill 'A' gives you a side effect. So you go to your doctor and they give you pill 'B'. But wait a minute, pill 'B' gives you a new side effect. And the treadmill begins. When all you had to do was right yourself. Lose the crap that got you where you are now...dependant on the drug companies. I refuse to get sucked into the garbage they are trying to sell you.

Most doctors should be trying to heal/fix you. But all they are doing is making you more dependant on them with more medication. Why heal you, that would dwindle their business. I want to be more proactive with my health and not end up like my parents and father-in-law who carry around miniature suitcases (that is no lie) of their medications. And both my parents and father-in-law have computer papers filled with all the medications they take for any new doctor. How crazy is that? It's wrong I tell you.

All I am saying is that you can do whatever you want, for the most part, if you want it bad enough. Don't sit by on the sidelines and let life pass you by because of your health. That is the one thing you can control, save accidents and major illnesses (Don't get me started on that either). You can do it. It's not as difficult as you might think. Just ask my husband.

It's Lonely At The Top

I wonder how much I would want instant success, wealth, fame, or anything else that fell into that category. We all say it from time to time. 'If only I could win the lotto.' Well I don't know about that anymore. *I would find a financial advisor for sure if it ever did happen*

I look at people in the media who supposedly 'have it all' and look where it gets them. There are few and far between who have handled their fame and done it justice. Just because you are a super-star does not mean you want the lime light. Yes you should do a red carpet now and the, but that doe snot mean I want cameras following me into the local deli to see what kind of mustard I use on my pastrami sandwich.

But there are a few who seem to thrive on it (the spotlight that is) and then when it becomes to much they back away, giving more credence to their being an enigma. Well as my mother use to say, 'Don't dance if you can't pay the fiddler.' And you know what, she is right.

Why even pick a career that is its main objective to put you in the spot light but then turn your back on it. Don't get me wrong I know people are entitled to their privacy and I will be the first to admit that I like mine, here in Average Joe land. My sister is a perfect example. She has people in her home all-the-time. I don't know about you but I like a quite night at home with a movie and a bowl of popcorn.

But these super stars, what are they to do? Soak up the lime light? Live in it and then cringe every time someone decides they want to have their baby, or write letters every single day. I bet the list is extensive as to what these people go through. But when do they draw the line? How many festivities do they attend per year? If any. Only thee Oscars, or should we throw in the Grammy's. And do we have the right, as the people who got them there, to want to see them outside their profession.

I don't particularly need to see Farrah or Michael at some Red Carpet so some schlep can tear apart what they wear. they are movie stars...who cares?

I genuinely feel for those who have reached the top only to be brought down, snuffed out to early. Here are just but a few who have Gone Too Soon:

Elvis Presley
Judy Garland
Michael Jackson
River Phoenix
John Ritter
Brandon Lee
Bruce Lee
Heath Ledger
James Dean
John Belushi
Bob Marley
Jimi Hendrix
Kurt Cobain
Janis Joplin
Andy Kaufman
Princess Diana
Freddy Mercury
Freddy Prince
Bernie Mac

The list is endless. And they they leave us is just as diverse. Those who had not finished what there were put here to do. So when you feet hit the floor every morning, be grateful they did.

Blow Me A Kiss

It must be one of every parents dreams come true to see their child walk across the stage and accept their diploma, but not for some students and parents, especially one school and family in particular in Maine.

When I volunteered in the public school system, I did many a thing. I laminated cut-outs for the teachers, dusted off bags of books with cassette tapes, checked in books back in the library. In fact the library was where I usually ended up at. But on rare occasions I was with some students one on one, again, usually with something to do with reading.

And every year we had an orientation that reminded us of the rules. Do this, don't do that. And the one that always stuck out in my mind (and the one I usually ignored) was the one that said you cannot touch any student. OK, I get what they were pointing to, but you cold not hug them, greet them, you got to do nada, zip, zilch. Those kids faces lit up when they saw you. They would com barrelling down the hallway and nearly try to slam you over, but whoa!, you could not even acknowledge them, what-so-ever.

Another reason I LOVE home schooling. When my kids greet me at any function, I open my arms and look forward to their embrace, for they want it as much as I do.

The power of human touch.

I think it is a fundamental necessity. I am not saying that folks need to be fondling all over themselves, but to deny a basic human instinct? What is that crap? There is nothing more rewarding then for me to give and or receive a big bear hug. I prefer that to kisses.

I know many a society that gives those fake air kisses on the cheek, and I have been giving them to my in-laws for years. Can't stand that. I see them all the time. My mother-in law, finally got it, for I told her and she now does not expect me to kiss her every single time. But throw me a hug, and you are my friend for life.

But on this particular day in Maine as one student was crossing the stage to accept his diploma, he turned to his family and blew them a kiss. Well the principal decided that showing affection to his family was inappropriate and denied him his diploma...right there in front of thee entire class and assembly. What kind of nut job does that? One who has issues, obviously. Is there a Doctor Phil in the house?

Who would deny such a thing? And this is not the first time I have heard of this type of thing. What has society come to? Are we so paranoid that we need to stop human contact? I myself do not want to live in such a world. So the next time you are in need of a hug, please do not hesitate to give one to whomever you feel may need one.

One For The Road

I do not like Dr. Phil. I think he is full of himself. But even windbags have something to say every now and then. My husband was at the gym today and Dr. Phil was on. So he read the closed caption while he listened to his music. Today's show was about DUI's. I did not get to see the show, but as my husband began to tell us what he saw on the show, I could see his blood pressure rising. There were three families on there who had lost children to drunk drivers. Then there was a former judge. And then there was your leech, I mean defense attorney for DUI's specifically. And then a Barbie doll who has had 3 offenses.

I can only remember once in my driving career (which is30 years now) that I have gotten in the cart when I should not have. After that night I knew I never wanted to do that again. I could not sit here and complain about folks who drink and rive when I had, in fact, did the very same thing. What was I thinking? I wasn't, for my judgement had been impaired. And what if I had taken someones life. That would not have been my intent. I was just hanging out with a few friends after a long days work in the parking lot. What harm was there in relaxing a little bit. LOTS!

I have grown up since then, and that is not to say I was immature, I just got really wise that night. I imagine I am one in a million. How many others are doing thee exact opposite and keep on drinking, keep on driving and are sliding under the radar...until. By then it is too late. I no longer drive with any alcohol in my system. And if my husband and both decide we want to drink somewhere, which is rare, we flip a coin. I have an occasional drink at home, so I do not feel the need to drink when we go out if he wants to let loose a bit. So the decision is easy for me.

What got me toasted (no pun intended) about this show, was the Barbie Doll who has gotten 3 DUI's and since her daddy has bookoo bucks, has gotten her off on all three charges. What happens when the next time she is drinking and driving, she, or the person she hits, is not so lucky. What then? What about the judges and lawyers who have just been giving her slaps on the wrist and letting her go on her merry way. What do you say to the parent of a dead child, when they look at this persons track record and nothing had been done about it...until. By then it is too late.

The parent of one of the dead teens told the Barbie Doll that her son had been killed, by someone most likely like her. the Barbie Doll said that she thought the .08 limit was and I quote, "Stupid." And the little miss sassy pants went on to tell the grieving mother that maybe it had not been the .09 drunk driver that had been the cause of thee accident. A hush fell over the audience. The mother then stated through clenched teeth I am guessing, that if this had been a different style show and she would have been a different style of mother, they would be going at it right now. Thee audience cheered the mother.

I believe that what goes around, comes around. You get what is due to you. Law of Attraction, if you will. Your next life. Thee after life. Take your pick. But for those who are not serving thee appropriate time for their crime will pay at some point. And even for those who do kill someone with thier vehicle they are not doing time like they should. they are serving minimal time in jail and it is a white collar jail. Let me get this straight. I pick up a gun and kill someone I am labeled a murderer and do hard time for my crime. Easy enough. But, I go have one too many, slam into an innocent person, kill them and I am someone with a social problem who is not labeled a murder. Something is definitely wrong with this picture. Murder is murder no matter the weapon. A car, gun, bat, knife, the list goes on. You can't own a gun after a murder? Then why should you ever get behind a wheel after you kill someone with your vehicle.

Driving is a privilege. You earn it. The privilege should be taken away if you abuse that right.

My uncle was killed by a drunk driver. That driver was himself. Think twice before downing that extra beer, drink or cocktail before slipping behind a wheel thinking you can handle it. No You Can't. Trust me on this one.

But I'm So Ugly

I recently heard of a conversation that took place and it was quite interesting to me. There is a young lady I know that grows her hair out all the time, just so she can donate it to Locks of Love.
This is a big thing for many, if not most of the teenage girl population I know. But this young girl has gone outside of her comfort zone and donated her hair to those less fortunate.

Locks of Love is a non-profit organization that takes hair that is donated and makes wigs for children that are victims of cancer. Now I know that some people are offended by the word victim. But let me tell you how Merriam-Webster explains victim:

One that is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent: as (1) One that is injured or destroyed or sacrificed under of any various conditions

Even Merriam knows these kids are done wrong. With that said, this young lady knows that she can keep growing her hair over and over again. These children to not have that advantage. And some of them may not even get the chance to enjoy the wig that is being made for them.

I have seen people tear down what locks of love does, saying they take monies and spend them unwisely. Hell, our own government does that, I don't see them moving to another country. For the most part I applaud what this organization does. And, what they cannot use for the wig itself, is sold off to other wig companies and the money is turned back into Locks of Love for other expenditures.

What had been said from an outside party was this, (And I am paraphrasing) "After my mother cut off my hair, I realized she had cut it too short and within a few seconds, I thought how ugly I really was." Hello, you think you are ugly? How about the little girl or boy who has no hair and a good possibility of dying. And you are worried about how much hair gel or spray you are going to need to make yourself beautiful. Puh-leaze. Give me a break.

Nothing is that important that I cannot give it up to help a fellow man, and moreso one who is handling a grave disease. Kudos to the young lady who is growing her hair out for those in need. What a very adult thing to do, and unselfish at that. I know there are going to be people who say, "Well if it works for her that is all fine and dandy, but it may not be my cup of tea." Again that person is correct, but do not sit there and have the gumption to tell me how ugly you are or that you could never do it, when a child's life is hanging in the balance.

To each his own, but I applaud fervently to all those who give up something that is so precious to many a female. But bottom line, it's only hair, for us it will grow back, for those with cancer, it may very well not.

Look Both Ways

I went to a cemetery with my son for the first time today. It was to go and visit a friend he went to school with who had passed away. This young man was only 19 years old. Way too young to be gone from this Earth.

About mid February I was up late on a Monday night waiting to go and get my son from work. (He is nearly 20 but with his autism, he does not drive so he depends on his father and I to get him back and forth to work). So here it was time for me to go and get him. Now keep in mind it is nearly 11 PM and I try to arrive there just as my son is walking out the doors of his place of business. Well, as soon as I head down one of the main roads to get to him I see police cars. No big deal. A small detour I can handle. But off in the distance I see more police cars. So at this point I know something big is up. Now I am going to have to encounter a major detour.

I know if I keep turning south and east I will eventually get back to my main road. Wrong! They have closed off some side roads due to the bridge and visibility issues. I get it but now I know I am going to be late in picking my son up. And he has a tendency to panic if he does not see me or my husband. Luckily for me and my son I only arrive about 3 minutes late. I explain to him what happened to me and if this should ever happen again, that he is so stay inside the building until one of us arrives. He agreed with no problems.

I learned form my girlfriend that there had been an accident that late afternoon with a kid on a bicycle. Come to found out later that it was a hit and run.

Fast forward a few weeks. Myself and my two children were at the mall and on our way home when we got stuck in mall traffic. The holidays are over so I could not understand this delay...until I look up and see junior police officers stopping traffic in every direction. Of course folks started honking, but there was nowhere to go. Soon enough we figure out why we are sitting. A huge procession of fire trucks and the such come by and it all started with a funeral vehicle. I knew then what was up and once the people in back of us saw it too, they stopped honking.

When we got home that night I wanted to see the news and see what was going to be on the news about this procession. Sure enough there it was first thing on the news. A fireman had died in the line of duty...after the fact. He had contracted some fatal illness and died from complications. First death for the fire department of that county. There is a reason I added this to my post. As soon as that section of the news was done they said there was an update on the hit in run that happened right down the street from me. I was all ears and as soon as I heard the boys name I knew who he was. I screamed for my son to come out and see what was on the news. My son caught the tail end of the clip, so I told him what I had seen.

This boy was one of the few boys that did not bully him in junior high school and Robert remembers those who are/were kind to him. So I tell Robert to get in touch with a girl they both knew but he didn't want to for he had not spoken to her in such a long time and he did not want to her to feel as if he was just calling to find out about this boy. I told him that she would definitely understand. But he still refused to call her.

It had been gnawing at me all these weeks. So I finally put my foot down and told him to call her and find out how this boy was. He did and left a message for the young girl. Two days later my son gets a return call from her and she told him that John had died the day before Easter. I was out taking in clothes off the clothesline with my husband and my son was on the phone. My son is not a phone person and thee only person he likes talking to is my sister and by the tone of his voice it definitely was not my sister. I knew within seconds what was going on and who he was on the phone with. When he hung up he told me John had died. We had missed his funeral by days.

My son found out where he was buried and today we went to visit John. I do not believe in a heaven or hell, for I have no religious beliefs. But I do believe in the fact that people have spirits and what happens to us once we die is anyone's guess. I hope John is in a better place, for how he was taken from this one was tragic and completely unnecessary. Someone out there has to live with themselves and the fact that they took another persons life. I hope that they get what is rightfully due them. I don't want to say I am a vengeful person but I want to be righted and what was done to this young man was wrong on every level.

I cannot imagine ever having to bury either of my children. I don't know how people get up every day and continue to breathe and yet somehow they do. I don't wish death to the person who hit John, but something will happen in this persons life. They may never know why their life is in shambles, why their marriage fell apart, why they lost their job, why they can't seem to fit into the world anymore. It's the Law of Attraction. You will only get what you give and if you give out evil it will come back to you and sometimes ten fold.

Please take the time to look where you are going and try to stay in the speed limit. This was the first time my son had to deal with a death of someone he actually knew. He hasn't said much about it, but I hope he feels he can come to me with any and all questions he may have about what happened to his friend and about death in general. I do not have all thee answers, but I will do my best.

Drive careful..

Columbine Revisited

I will never forget as I was growing up and I would hear senior citizens talk about where they were the day JFK had been shot, or the day Pearl Harbor was bombed and the likes. I never got it, until...I went through a few things, such as the Challenger explosion, or the Columbia explosion, Hurricane Katrina, and lest we forget 911. Those days will be burned into my brain forever. Now I know how those people I listened to all those years ago could remember such things.

Those are the things that impact your life, for whatever reason. Maybe it was just thee incident itself, or maybe you had a connection to that incident. You might have lived close by at some point in your life, or that had been your favorite place to vacation. Whatever the reason certain incidents impact, for good or bad. And hopefully there is always some good that comes from bad. That in and of itself sounds like an oxymoron, but as I grow older and hopefully wiser, I do hope that there is good in everyone.

What people do not realize it that it is the little things in life that make the biggest difference. They 'Don'T' sweat the small stuff.', but that is exactly what can make the biggest influence sin our lives. But watching a video, or reading a book, or attending a seminar, or watching a documentary, people's lives can and will be changed.

I remember the first time I became a vegetarian. I was watching something on the television about the baby seal hunting that goes on in Canada. I sat there and cried like a baby. How can anyone sit there and bludgeon something so innocent to death. I know the answer, someone with no heart. What did that poor seal ever do to you. But I am getting off track here.

It is 10 years ago today that two boys went on a shooting rampage to make a point. What drives anyone and especially 2 teenagers to commit such a horrifying act. I cannot imagine the fear that ran through the school that day. I know how scared I can get over little things. But knowing my life may soon be over and then to only be anywhere from 15-18. I cannot comprehend that.

Didn't anyone see that these two were on a road that was going in a very wrong direction? I can see the slightest change in my children. I know when they are the least bit off from the normal. I also feel for the parents of these children they may still be questioning themselves as to why they did not see this coming. I think an answer fro many parents is that they are disconnected from their children. We don't do activities together, we don't eat at a dinner table any longer, the Norman Rockwell of thee American family is nearly unheard of. I see people hike an eyebrow when I say that we sit down every night at the dinner table and eat together. Whether it is all four of us or just two. To me, a family that dines together stays together. And TV trays in front of the television is not the same. Turn off the tube and talk to your children and then listen to them as well, they do have something to say. And inasmuch as you may not want to hear thier point of view. think back when you tried to talk to your parents and they thought your opinion was worth nothing. you may not agree with your child, hell, you don't agree with adults, but you keep them as friends. Listen to your children, it will pay off in thee end.

I leave you with a few videos of the first victim that died that tragic day. Her name is Rachel Joy Scott. She was a young girl who most more than likely had a premonition about her life. As her father says in the video, she was not obsessed with death, she was just at peace with her life. Who at that age can even wrap thier head around something like that? See what I mean? Children can teach us plenty, we just have to listen. For those of you who pray, please do so for all of those affected by this event. I will definitely keep them in my thoughts.

Rachel Joy Scott #1

Rachel Joy Scott #2

Rachel Joy Scott #3

And for those of you who prefer to read, here is a book in her memory. Rachel's Tears

Somewhere

I do not believe in God
I do not believe in any type of god
I do not believe that there is a higher power up there playing god
I do not believe in any sort of deity

Now that we got that out of the way I will try to explain my reasoning. And it will not only stem from this article, for there are far too many reason why I do not believe there is something up there watching us.

I was taking my daughter to her weekly youth party. And as I was stopped at a traffic light I saw a bumper sticker, and it read:

Pray, God will hear you.

Yeah, but will he listen? I do not think there is a god up here who will let certain things happen. And I am talking mostly about those things that happen to innocent children. What child asks to be abused? Whether it be physically, sexually, verbally, mentally or spiritually? No child that I could think of (or adult for that matter), but yet it happens all the time. And yet I wonder if these little creatures (in God's image) prayed at night to be delivered form the man/woman who is abusing them, what is God doing about it? Does he hear them and tell them in his own special way that he works in mysterious ways and it will all come out in the wash? Well what if the wash is this child ending up in the E.R. with a bashed in skull and dies 3 hours later...what then? Who was listening to that child when she was begging to be taken away from the bad man/woman. God? I think not.

What about all these children who are born to parents with crippling illnesses, or disabilities? Do they deserve a lifetime of nothingness? And lest we not forget the parents who will spend a lifetime of caring for these little creatures. I do not believe there is a god sitting up there playing chess with our lives, and if there is he is a sick twisted god. I cannot think of any people who deserve to be subjected to the experiences that many go through on a daily basis. Case in point, Elizabeth Fritzl. If that name does not ring a bell, let me refresh your memory. She is the woman who was locked in a basement in Austria by her father and also bore 7 of his children. (Six are still surviving, due to the death of one infant)

This man started raping his own daughter at the age of 18 and kept her in a windowless room. Three of her children never saw daylight, and the wife of the father was upstairs all the time. Where was her sense of morality, her sense of doing what was right. I might, and that is a very slim margin there, believe she did not know what was gong on if she had never seen any of the children, but 3 of the 6 children were raised upstairs by the father/grandfather and the grandmother. How do you explain them away?

What creature made in the likeness of God does that to his own flesh and blood. Did God intend for us to be made in his image, then given free will just so we can totally screw up? If so that's a God with a sick sense of humor. Give us free will but tell us what we can and cannot do? That is a fine line.

I think there are a few folks through the ages that deserve to be put to death and if you do not believe in capitol punishment, then you are probably hoping there is a here after where they will pay there dues. I for one am hoping he goes to Hell, if there is indeed one. But for the time being he will go to prison and be fed three decent meals a day, and get all thee amenities that many people do not even receive, but he will not suffer for the pain he inflicted while on this Earth.

And let's look at it from a different angle. What if he repents and begs for forgiveness for his actions, can a god really forgive for what he did over and over and over again? I may, and that is a far stretch, forgive someone who did something in a fit of rage, but to forgive someone who repeated their crimes over and over not giving a care to his victim.

And then there is the victim. How are those people supposed to function in the real world now? I would not want to be that shrink. Do you ask them to retell their life or do you help them tuck it away in a far odd part of the brain that should be kept only for traumatic incidences? Flip a coin. And now these children and probably the daughter think of their lifestyle as normal, for that is all they knew. How do you recover from a life you thought of as normal?

But, if there is a God and a Heaven and a Hell, then there is somewhere for Josef Fritzl to go and that place is Hell.

I Just Don't Get It

Call me crazy, call me old fashioned, call me a bit over protective. But I hope with all hope that my daughter listens when I talk to her about sex. Yep, you heard right, I am talking about the Big "S" word. Something that was never discussed with me. And that is a distress. For I wish someone would have been as open with me about this very delicate subject as I am with my daughter.

Knowledge is power.


I look at the homes that these kids who become pregnant teens and wonder what is going on in their home. In the case of Bristol Palin, it's as if they are glorifying teenage pregnancy. I could give a few other examples, such as Jamie Spears and I am guessing there are others. But suffice it to say, I am against teenage pregnancy.

We have always talked 'with' our daughter about things concerning life, never to her, and there is a huge difference. I have been in many a home where the parents talk to their children to them as if they are children. And if it is our job to guide them in the direction of adulthood, then by talking with them and not to them, you are solidifying that you now see them as a near equal. Of course I tailor the conversation to their level, but I do not talk down to her. It would benefit no one.

Then there is thee ever popular statement for those who do get pregnant all the same from those of the old school mentality that..."Well he did the right thing." For whom? Let's put things into perspective here. Nine point nine times out of ten the couple in question are rarely if ever in love and it is more a case of being in lust, hence the unwanted pregnancy. For I cannot see the young couple being ecstatic over a pregnancy that was no where in their future. Especially when they are usually planning prom, graduation and a slew of other things, but definitely not a pregnancy, hence the word 'unwanted'.

So, some of the young stallions go off and marry her even though there is not an ounce of love between them, but he is 'doing the right thing'. To what end? To give the child a name? To give him a stable relationship to grow under? I think not. Half of all supposed planned marriages end in divorce. Why? Because so many are not willing to go that extra step in doing what it takes to make it work, and that extra step is sacrifice. People do not want to change, bend, or give up what they had before. Well hello folks, you get married because you want a change. But people say it all the time, "I ain't' changing, let him/her change." Well it takes two to Tango so crap or get off the pot people.

Then they bring in the other equation...a child, and then all hell breaks loose. The child is thrown into day care, so some other shclep can raise their child so they can still both work jobs to keep them in step with the Jones'. When I had to work back in Miami and my little one was still at home, my husband and I maneuvered our schedules so that my mother-in-law would be watching our children a little as possible. He worked two 40 hour jobs, I held down a 40 hour job myself and my husband and I rarely if ever saw one another for about 2 years. Why? Because it was not my mother -in-laws responsibility to raise our children. So we did what...oh yeah, sacrificed. I have seen children dumped at a babysitters home so much that the child sees the sitter as their mother instead of the birth mother. Ya think?

I am also a firm believer of girls not becoming Betty Crocker (Ready to spread frosting). Ever hear of keeping your legs closed? Didn't the parents of these girls tell them that Johnny, Billy, Bobby, Paul and who ever else you can think of will sell you any line he knows you want to hear just to get you to let him in? I have again, told my daughter that sex is a wonderful thing, as long it is with someone you love. It is not one of thee easiest topics for the two of us to discuss, but better from me than form some wise-ass Casanova who will definitely love her and leave her. They, meaning the boys (notice I did not say men) are in it for the sex, women are in it for the love. And yes we are looking for the Harlequin Romance novel style romance. It is rarely out there.

A friend of mine, no more like an acquaintance, nope, actually someone we just tolerate, once told me that there were some movies that depicted premarital/teenage sex in a good light. This person has a son. It is an entirely different ball game when you have a daughter. What good comes of teenage sex? Could someone tell me, for I do not know thee answer. It isn't going to get your daughter accepted, unless you are talking about thee entire football team.

And on the more common chance she does get pregnant, there are movies and shows that are showing as if it is something to be glorified. The new show, My Life as a Pregnant Teenager (hope I got the title correct) shows this girl in an upper middle class family. Come on. How many pregnant teens do any of you know that came from upper middle class? I do not know of any...at all. That is just my point. These girls are being shown as if it is all cutesy tootsy to get pregnant. And that their lives will get right back to normal. WHAT? Who fed them that line of utter crap. That is unless you are dumping junior or juniorette on mom and dads doorstep all the time so you can still go out and party and get this...get some sleep. Yep, you heard right. My sister-in-law left her nearly 2 year old son with her/my mother-in-law (who is kissing 70) just so my 23 year old sister-in-law could get some sleep. Hello, is that not a prerequisite to being a parent, losing sleep. We all did it, but obviously she needs her sleep. And oh yes, she is unemployed. Someone hit me with a stupid stick for I do not get it.

They are willing to sleep around but not deal with the responsibilities that go with their hopping in the sack.

This is why I am an advocate of pro-choice. I do not believe that children should be brought into this world unless they are wanted and into a loving family that wants them here and will do whatever it takes to see to their well being. And there are way too many kids out there having kids just because it is now the cool thing to do. Give me a break. Grow up!

She Fawted

Well this is most likely going to be one of those stories that is funnier if you were there, but here goes.

My daughter has a new interest in her life, and it ain't a new puppy. So thee other day Mr. Interested came over so she could let him watch the first installment of X-Men. this poor lad has yet to see any of them (freak that he is), so Savanah asked if he could come over and hang out to see the first movie. I was home, dad was home (gulp) so all was cool.

The movie was going grandly, I was surfing the web (mom never being unable to see junior) so I would scoot to see the movie then do something in the kitchen. Dad was at his parents, but had come home. So all four of us were sitting in the living room watching the movie.

We bring in our 55 pound pit-bull mix, /she does the usual meet and greet then plops herself down squarely on the carpet in the TV Room. All is well until we hear this very loud Faaaaaarrrrrrtttt!

All four of us cracked up. the dog never missed a beat and she could have cared less who was watching or listening. She did what she had to do and was done with it. Us, on the other hand could not believe what she had done. And just what had she done. A very natural act, to a dog at least, but to us, it is a sign of being ill-mannered. Well then I guess our home is the top of the line when to comes to being ill mannered. At least among our own family that is.

We, meaning the four that live here (5 if you count stinky...I mean Tippy) are all comfortable with our, how would you call it? Our ability to alleviate our bodies of extra hot air. And yet, if the dog does one of thee most natural acts in the world, we all blush and carry on like a house full of hens with a fox running loose.

We actually have dinner table discussions about this topic. If you can't be comfortable with your own family talking about this, who can you be comfortable around. Needless to say it made for an interesting story, and obviously one worth enough to blog about.

Tis "The" Season

...to be what? Jolly?

Many of us out there are barely leaving paycheck to paycheck. And if not for my wonderful in-laws, would have be out on the street months ago. Inasmuch as it pains my husband to ask for help with the mortgage, my friend told me to be thankful they are here to at least be able to help us. If not for them we would be on the street or crammed into a 2 bedroom apartment.

But we are getting to roll into the busiest shopping times of the year. And for what? So you can out spend your friend, neighbor? Max out your credit cards? Why? And what is the real meaning of Christmas. For me it is a time to b with family, for I follow no religion, you could technically take Christmas and tell the retailers where to place it. I prefer to be with people, not have a nagging feeling that if I don't get them gift they won't be my friend any longer. That is not how it should go.

And if there is a God/Jesus, would he approve of how his followers are handling this new-found holiday that is supposed to celebrate his birth. IT has become so far removed from the celebration of the birth of Christ that it should scare some Christians, and yet it does not. They too, stand in line when Wally World opens it doors at 5 a.m. to a collection of spending floozies. They purchase a gift that junior will play with for what...2 maybe 3 days, then he will lose interest and let it fall by the wayside.

We have, out of necessity, gone to baked goods for our gifts. I purchase a few baskets from yard sales or Goodwill and fill them with breads and cookies. No one has complained to date...would you turn away homemade bread for a Yankee Candle? I say bring on the homemade gifts.

And why do we have to wait until December 25th to show our friends and family how much we love and or appreciate them. Why not have them over for dinner once a month. Make it a pot luck. Help someone with house cleaning who may not be able to do for themselves. Let someone use your washing machine if theirs is broken. Take someone to work if you are able. the list is endless as to how you can let your friends and family know how much you enjoy having them around. What better way to enjoy someone company then over a good table of food and some wine. Let the conversation flow and before you know it, it is time to kick your company out the door.

I am over all this Christmas buying. I may even boycott Christmas.

Have you ever watched A Charlie Brown Christmas? It's A Wonderful Life? now those are true holiday, good feeling movies. It's not about how much you give, but how you give. If you feel the need to give, give from the heart, not your pocket. Make something. People can cook, knit, paint, write, craft, you name it, it is out there. Find something you are good at and do it. And learn to plan ahead. Start after the holidays. Put a little bit away each time you get a chance, or start buying tidbits at a time. That way you are not running out on Black Friday trampling people to death (literally) for that Tickle Me Elmo. This years hot seller will be in next years garage sale.

Sit back and rethinking what Christmas is to you. Why do you celebrate this misconstrued holiday. I for one will be changing how I approach this holiday. The spirit of Christmas should be all year long, not for 1 day.

Be Careful, the Children Will See

When your child looks up, what do they see? I am not referring to the 6'1' , 210 pound, blonde haired, blue eyed father, or a 5'5, 150 pound, red haired, green eyed mother. What I am talking about is the person that makes up mom or dad. The real you is who I am asking about. What makes you you? Not the face you put on for the PTA, or work, or your knitting club. I mean the one that is left when everyone else is gone for the day.

What do you represent to your child? If your child had to describe you in let's say 3 words, and they were being brutally honest, and would get no ramifications for being that brutally honest, how would they honestly describe you? I know how my daughter would describe me and she nailed me pretty much dead on. Her first descriptive word about my personality was loud. She was not referring to my volume so much as she was charging me with being a bit of a chatter box. And I confess, I have been known to hog a conversation or two. I have, in my own defense, tried, over the years to try and keep my lips sealed tight when I need to. But alas, there are times when I falter and become that tried and true babbler that I would not like to be around if the tables were turned.

That for the most part is a superficial trait. What is it you are showing your children about life and how it should be handled. Are you a good example, or do you need some modifying, or do you need a major overhaul. Are your children glad to be around you or do they cringe when they have friends over, hoping you do not embarrass them.

Yes we were all embarrassed of our parents, it's part of growing up, it's a prerequisite of the teenage years. But nagging in the back of their heads, do they truly feel that all hope is lost for you, or that if you sat through enough episodes of Dr. Phil, that you might eventually get a clue as to how other parents are doing it. Not to say that you are doing it wrong, you just may need a refresher course. And come on, we could all you a little spritzing up, even if it is in the parental realm.

I for one have learned tons from my younger sister. Yep, you heard right. The sister who is working on some issues, but at least she had the you-know-what's to save she needs a new paint job in her personal life.(I love that analogy) So who is it you listen to, or do you turn a deaf ear when someone brings something to our attention. Are you so blinded that you are unwilling to see what others are seeing, but you are not...or will not? Take off the blinders and try to see what your children see and maybe ask them, and then listen to them. You would be surprised what they tell you.

Dinnertime

It dawned on me thee other day; actually it is always on my mind. I went to a Mom’s Night Out last night, which is a potluck meal for us, homeschooling moms to be able to get together and just let it all hang out.

We talk about our children, our past experiences, listen to thee more experienced moms, compare notes on schooling, get ideas from other moms, see what works for them…or not. But it is just a night to be women, not a wife, not a mother, not a facilitator…just a woman.

For those of you who do not homeschool, or know little about it, let me tell you getting out even if it is once a month to be with your peers is a blessing. Our kids go to co-ops, Sunday School, Scouts, 4-H and so forth. But us moms, we are living a life of servitude. That is not to say we are unhappy with our choice, it is what it is, but in order to be a better wife, mother, sister, aunt, daughter…we need to clear our minds and just be us. Then we can come back to be those better people. I know how refreshed I feel after hanging out with my posse.

But the one thing we talked about as our lovely night ended was dinner-time. I was curious as to how many of the women there sat down with their families and ate dinner. No surprise, all of them sat down with their families for dinner. Sometimes there was a sibling missing, or a dad had to work late, but those that were home sat together.

I grew up in a home where my mother had dinner on the table by a certain time. If you were not there, you could always make a bologna sandwich. My mom figured, if she took the time to prepare a meal, you could at least show up to eat it, and truth be told, she was right. Even back then, I knew thee importance of dinnertime. Now granted our home was anything but the Cleaver family, but I still got it.

I have carried on that tradition, but have taken it a step further. We sit and talk, and talk, and talk. Did I mention that we talk? We have sat and been at the dinner table for close to an hour, and that is without dessert. There was a woman there last night.*Waves to C Mc, and her husband is a pilot, and he gets to fly with many a people. But there was this man from France who talked about dinner rituals in his home country, and he said as politely as possible that our dinner practices are pitiful and that we are missing out on so much.

In Europe, for the most part, thee taking on the dining experience like no other. Their dinner time can last for up to two hours. Helllooo, it doesn’t take me that long to prepare my meal…OK sometimes it does, but then again I love food and everything that revolves around it. So for me to sit at a dinner table for that long would be pure ecstasy. We, as Americans, have no clue how to enjoy food. To us, a dinner is a double cheese burger with a side of fries and a large cola, hold thee onions at the nearest drive –thru. And many a time the so called meal is eaten in the vehicle. When did our cars become our dining rooms? Did I miss something?

I am not saying the every family in America has to become this Norman Rockwell painting overnight, but come on, where has our sense of family gone? And I am not so gullible to think that sitting down at dinner will right all we have let go over the years, but it is an easy way to start. We have to eat, that is a given. Then why not do it with your own family. Take time to reconnect and be a real family. And just for you cheater out there, sitting in front of the TV does not count, you have to do it at the dinner table. Talking to one another and not about the latest episode of CSI is the way to do it.

The Choices We Make

I read a blog recently where a mother had her children coming to her saying that got tummy aches when they ate fruit and vegetables. So she put on her mommies cap and told her little ones that she could make their tummy aches go away by taking them to the doctors and getting a shot with a huge needle. Well, needless to say, and with miraculous speed, her children were cured. Now here is what I find odd. She stated that her children never had tummy aches when they ate junk food.

What amazes me still, and yet it shouldn't, that there are still so many families who still purchase junk food. We all know that down side to processed foods, and well all know the benefits to fresh fruit and vegetables, so why are we still stuffing our faces with this crap that is pushed on us by the big conglomerates. I would like to see their dinner plates. I bet you a million bucks their dinner plates are not loaded with the stuff they are trying to sell us(The big shots, is who I am referring to). Guaranteed, they are living the good life with fresh fruit and vegetables. I want to know how people, and parents can sleep at night knowing they are blatantly putting poison into their children's bodies.

Maybe I am coming off as someone standing on a soapbox, but I still cannot believe that in this day and age that we buy into the advertising these morons are trying to push down our throats.Case in point. My nephew, he are already at 15 months, is having problems with his bowel movements. Fifteen months. Come on. What kind of diet are you already feeding this child. And if this what he will see as normal, what is he being set up for? Childhood obesity, childhood diabetes, and who knows what else.Was it difficult for us to let go of some of this processed foods we clung to? I would have to say yes. And it was not so much the taste of the food, but the convenience of the food. What's not to love about picking up a box of cereal and pouring into your bowl. But what are you doing to your body? It may no show up today, or even tomorrow, but it will come back and bite you in the butt(Which will definitely be bigger by eating that cereal) in the years to come.

We all have the power to make choices. Those choices are not easy ones, but we make them. I choose not to smoke. Is that a difficult decision? Not for me,for I see what it does. I choose to drink rarely, if ever. Is that a difficult decision for me? Not really. I can go months without touching a drop of liquor, and that makes me fell good. That lets me know that I am in control of my body and in control of my life.When I used to be in the working world I was a cashier at a popular grocery chain. I would see people come through my line and have three and four 12 packs of soda. I would ask them, "Are you having a party?" And they would answer, very matter-of-factly, "No, we buy this every time we shop(Which for most people is weekly). My expression probably gave away how I felt. I would tell them, that we don't have sodas in our home. And they were truly amazed at how that was possible. "How do you not have sodas in your home?" And I politely as possible looked them in the eye and said. "You buy the groceries don't you? Just don't buy them...end of discussion." "Oh no, there would be an uproar when I got home."I knew then the mentality I was dealing with. I feel bad for people who feel they are not in control. I used to hear it all the time. "My kids would be upset...my husband would not tolerate not having..." Those people amaze me. I also feel if you are not willing to do what it takes to make changes, then you have no right to complain.

Again that may be a biased view, but if you smoke, don't tell me how may times you have had bronchitis, or if you are a drinker, I do not want to hear about your hangover, and if you put an extra piece of cheesecake in your mouth, then I don't want to hear that your pants don't fit any longer. You are in control, you have the power to make changes. So make them, whether it is what color to paint the bathroom, or what meal you will cook tonight. Stand up for what you know is right, and for what you believe in.