OK, so what's wrong with being selfish? Nothing, if it is done in the correct manner. I have always said, "I need to take care of me before I can be a good wife, mother, friend...." And in there is where the truth lies.
There is a huge difference between self indulgence and self kindness. One helps you...the other does not. Let me give you some examples and their differences:
1) Continuing to do what is harmful to you and after you realize it is harmful
2) Loathing yourself
3) Getting lost in fantasies about how great your life is going to be, while you continue the same old self-destructive things
4) Not asking for help when you need it
5) Breaking the commitments you've made to yourself
1) Calling a halt to doing what's harmful to you
2) Defending yourself against anyone who attacks you- including yourself
3) Telling the truth
4) Asking for help
5) Believing that there's a good reason for what you're doing, even if you aren't aware of it at the moment
There you have it. In essence, all you have to do is be kind/good to yourself, the rest will fall into place...eventually. Nothing happens overnight. You didn't get there in one day and you won't dig out of it in one day either. So start with little steps. Find one aspect that fits your life and alter it. You have the power and the power to do what? Oh yeah, make choices. It takes effort to do the right thing. Whether it be eating properly, being nicer in traffic, saying a kind word to the wretch at work, more exercising. The possibilities are endless.
You can do whatever you want, it is your life. Make the best of it, you only have one. (Unless you are Shirley and then there will be many more)