Friday, July 11, 2008

I Am Scared

I have been letting you all know of my upcoming spinal surgery, but the bewitching hour is slowly coming upon us. I am torn about this surgery. Don't get me wrong, I know that I need it and I know I will be healthier after it, but I am definitely not looking forward to the hospital stay and the recovery period.

I am a very healthy 46 year old woman. My medical clearance has proved that. If it were not for this injury, I would be bale to run marathons, but now I can barely stand to wash two glasses and three pieces of flatware. Who knew.

I just want to be back to my old self again. I want to do the things I used to do. Pffft to being a marathon runner. I want to clean my home, cook meals for my family and not have to plan an event away from the house on whether or not a place has a wheelchair or not. There is nothing worse than needing a wheelchair in order to enjoy a place and not have one. I do not have one permanently, for after my surgery, I will not need one, but in the interim, I would love to be able to sit and visit places.

This is not an 'Oh woe is me' rant, I am just a bit down, not depressed, for I know I will come home and do what I have to do to get better, that is how I roll(My daughters saying). This surgery and recovery will most more than likely not be as bad as I am thinking it will be and thee odd thing is, I am usually a very...and I mean very, uplifting person, almost to a fault. Yeah, I am one of those people that when you meet me, you go home and say, 'There is no way someone can be that up all the time.' I am. But not lately. I guess I am having a dose of a reality check. that is not a bad thing, it is just a thing. Reality keeps us in check, it grounds us. Trust me, I am grounded.

My daughter will be coming on here and posting about the outcome to my surgery. So keep your eyes peeled and keep me in your thoughts.


Freakmom said...

(((hugs))) I'm sure it will go smoothly!

Wish I lived closer and could help during your recovery.

thislittlepiggy said...